Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
