my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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