My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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