No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
