It's a beautiful day for a hangover
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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