u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
