You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
