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• (480): View more from Arizona

  I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.

  (480): View more from Arizona

  What will that accomplish?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I love it when he cheats on me with nice people

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  "I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss

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