you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
