Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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