This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
