all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
