Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
