I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
