I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Buhtt sex?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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