Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize