I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
