I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
