i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
