so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
