Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
