how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize