So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
