I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
