Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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