We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
