Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Can you bring me the toilet please
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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