You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Randomize
