That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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