worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
