Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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