We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
