he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
