every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
