Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
