Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
