you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You work out of a Hotel?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
