I skipped work to stalk him.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
