Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize