I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize