I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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