I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
