I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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