If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
