i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
