Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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