yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
