I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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