In the future we'll all be gay
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
