Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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