I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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