whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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