me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
