Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
