honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
