We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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