watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
