every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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