I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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