okay pat passed out under dana's car
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize