He had one of those small greek statue penises
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize