Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
