You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think your dad took our porno
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
