sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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