May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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