That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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