Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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