return my video game
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize