she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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