god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
