my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
