I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
