I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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