Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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