foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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