Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
