Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
