I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
