i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
