I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize