i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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