Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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