How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just found puke in my bra..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
