you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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