I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
