Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize