I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
