i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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