Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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