Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
